Can We Talk About How Overused “Codependency” Has Become?

Let’s be honest: codependency has become the emotional equivalent of calling everything “toxic.”

It’s vague.
It’s over-applied.
And it often lands as shame.

Somewhere along the way, caring deeply got confused with pathology.

Now people worry they’re codependent because they:

• Want reassurance

• Feel hurt when someone pulls away

• Struggle to leave unhealthy dynamics

• Try to keep the peace

That’s not necessarily codependency.

That’s a nervous system shaped by relational stress.

Originally, codependency described survival strategies formed in chaotic or unsafe environments. It wasn’t meant to shame connection — it was meant to explain adaptation.

But modern pop psychology flattened it into:

“You care too much. Stop.”

That misses the point entirely.

What looks like “codependency” on the surface is usually a protective imprint underneath:

• Over-functioning to avoid abandonment

• Emotional monitoring to stay safe

• Self-erasure to preserve connection

• Hyper-responsibility learned early

These aren’t character flaws.

They’re learned protections.

Real healing doesn’t come from labeling yourself codependent and trying harder to have boundaries.

It comes from understanding what your system is afraid will happen if you don’t show up the way you do.

If you’ve been quietly wondering whether you’re “codependent” — or just wired for connection in a world that didn’t teach safety — you don’t need another label.

You need context.

I created the Understanding Codependency workshop to unpack what’s actually happening beneath the behaviors, and how to start working with your nervous system instead of fighting it.

👉 Join the Understanding Codependency Workshop.

And if you want a more personalized starting point, the Protective Imprints Quiz is there too.